When doing less is your KEY to relationship success… Wait, Dr Liz! Do less? Yup, less! Kinda crazy, right? …and it works. Showing up doing less in your marriage or relationship actually gives you more. Success Key #1: When you release the end result, you stay present. When you’re attached to the outcome, you focus on what they are…and more importantly what they aren’t doing! That’s the KEY shift here. Focusing on our partner or spouse’s progress or lack of progress…keeps ourselves, our partner…marriage or relationship in a constant loop of surveillance, assessment, disappointment and frustration. Consistently stirring our mental critique of why and when will they get started, complete the task… Perhaps you’ve found yourself in this loop of doing more… More lists More ‘meetings’ to go over the lists More arguments More doing it yourself Finally, throwing in the towel, losing confidence in your relationship…exhausted and overwhelmed because ‘nothing you do seems to make a difference’. This time, just do less… Shift from doing more, become less ‘helpful’. There’s no need for reminding or nudging… Eliminate stepping in and taking their ‘stuff’ on. Released from the outcome, you’ll stay focused where you need to be and they need you to be. …is a huge satisfaction booster and a relationship saving tip.

There’s nothing romantic about a surprise that flops! Seriously, we’ve all had those moments where the surprise just falls flat…maybe ‘crickets’ silence or a struggle for composure. Often ending in tears, embarrassment, frustration and disappointment. It happens. I’ve seen it, I’ve experienced it and I’m guessing you have too. So whether you are the giver or the receiver here are my 7 TOP strategies you can use to make sure your Valentine’s Day or heck any special day…stays special! #1 Setting the stage is critical to the outcome. Why? It’s important to YOU and you are important to THEM, likewise THEY are important to YOU and you BOTH want each other to feel the LOVE. Make the time, make the effort to get you both on the same page. #2 Don’t assume, neither of you are mind readers. One of the BIGGEST mistakes couples make is making their partner guess or pick up on your clues, which are really a test that your partner isn’t aware is happening. Instead, let’s increase the odds from 50/50 to 100% by getting clear on what you would like, mapping it out while staying flexible to their ideas too. You aren’t doing ‘their work’. Just flip your focus and interpretation here for a moment. It is very sexy and an important part of a successful relationship to share your inner wishes, desires with your partner and let them fulfill those desires! #3. Plan ahead together. Be specific, ask quality questions and map the ‘everything’ out. Together you can both decide the who, what, where and compare notes on things like finances or schedules. Successful couples get the details out of the way. What day? (after all it’s not easy to juggle real life with the goal of a romantic time together). What time? (babysitter…

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When it comes to marriage or relationships, there’s one area often overlooked. It’s investing in caring for each other. While marriage and relationships can be incredibly rewarding, they also require a lot of effort and nurturing by each other to keep the bond strong. Caring for and about your partner is sexy! It hits that ‘I’m so loved and treasured’ dopamine fast and hard. Plus, it’s essential if you plan to keep that love lasting through the years. A key foundation to any relationship is building and maintaining an air of mutual understanding and respect, even when you might disagree with each other. Fostering this accepting atmosphere and learning how to agree to disagree takes time and a willingness to be open to their perspective or feelings. Naturally, important things take time. The biggest win is that you both are taking action. Be patient when it doesn’t happen overnight or managed ‘imperfectly’ or even well every time. Instead of getting it ‘perfect’, focus on taking the time to listen to your partner, showing empathy, understanding their feelings, offering support if needed, and celebrating them in all they do. Since we’re talking wins, let’s talk about ‘time’ in a relationship. Focus on spending quality time, not just quantity time together. There’s a huge difference in energy, interest, and commitment in a couple that knows each other’s world, strains, stresses, fears, and wins vs a couple that simply coexists with parallel lives and shared duties. Spending quality time together is caring for each other in marriage or relationships. Whether it’s going out for a romantic dinner, taking a walk together, or simply spending time talking and listening to each other, it’s important to make sure that you’re setting aside time for your relationship. Hint: park the cell phones, TV, and technology and…

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Want to improve your communication skills? Start by using your words! Here are some tips to get you started. Making assumptions is one of the most common, yet worst communication errors that couples make. Perhaps you may feel a little like this…that your partner should know… that you are upset based upon your body language or some other context clue, but that is rarely the case. So, you hang on to your hurt or anger…expecting them to notice and apologize or make some kind of repair or amends. And we wait and wait or explode…shut down. In all likelihood, they may not even be aware they have done anything to upset you. Key here to remember…is that no one is a mind reader. If you are feeling hurt, upset, slighted by something your spouse or partner has said or done…please speak up. Share with them what is bothering you. Share, not blame…from your heart…is a quiet and calm moment. Failing to tell your sweetheart what’s bothering you only leads to more resentment on your part and unspoken tension between you…