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Why them?! What attracted you to each other?

November 30, 2019

In the early days of dating, courtship…marriage, it’s easy to know why we chose them, why they are the one. Energy is high and connections are easy. Long term successful couples know how to keep that energy and attraction going…watch below to learn the keys for a Law of Attraction in your relationship.

Rough Transcription: Hey, good morning is Dr Liz and Dr Penny here. And I just wanted to say one good morning and hope you’re off to a great start this week, but I want to ask you a question here. Um, why did you fall in love? Why are you with, in the relationship that you’re in right now? I was reading a quote the other day by Thomas Merten and was actually asking us, did we meet the person because we wanted them to be perfectly happy and I’m paraphrasing this or did we meet and stay with the person because at some level we were going to twist them into the real relationships or the person that we wanted. And it got me to thinking about how people get into relationships in the beginning, you know are we looking for someone to complete us or meet our needs or are we lonely or fulfilling some type of dream that we had for ourselves. And the bottom line is most of us are in our relationships because we fell in love. Both of us fell in love and we felt like we completed each other. We had fun. We, they understood us perfectly. We understood them perfectly and we clicked. So I love that we’ve got to have passion. We’ve got to have that connection. I’m feeling like we fell in love with each other. And then what I see in my office is that initially, you know, actually I don’t see a lot of people initially I see them after the fact, but initially those things that used to be cute, that they leave the things on the floor or um, they collected lots of animals like me. Um, those were cute. Those were tolerated. We could overlook them and we had the bandwidth. Then as we add the children, the careers as some of that glow starts to fade and life starts to happen. What I see and I think it’s just a terrible shame, is that I feel like we don’t know how to communicate with each other. We don’t know how to have that intimate, empathetic communication with them or with our end with ourselves. In fact, you think about it, most of us have spent several months, years in classes learning how to do things like drive a car or solve math problems or cook. Um, we didn’t just like get shoved in front of a steering wheel and handed some keys and said, go for it. Although, you know, and so we, we, our society or ourselves, our families that have, have spent lots of time and energy helping us understand the rules of the road, let’s say with driving a car. But unless we had some really super good role models, growing up in our families or around our people around us, we maybe didn’t learn how to be effective in our relationships. How to have that empathetic, understand, really know your partner and most importantly to know ourselves so we can share and communicate properly. And so I see tons of wonderful, well-meaning people, um, arrive with a history of conflict, a history of not being able to communicate or understand each other. And it’s led for a lot of hurt feelings, disillusionment, disappointment in their relationship of being very discouraged and wondering what would, what can we do next? So I’m all about prevention. It is my mission. It is my passion to help every single one of you have fantastic relationships, dating and relationships, engagements, marriages, or long term living together. I want you guys to click and become experts in yourself and experts in your partners so that when the chips are down and things start to happen, you both have very effective ways of communicating. Okay. One of the things I did notice is that initially in dating we tend to ask a lot of questions and we really are good studies and do deep dives on that special person in our life. And then as the relationship continues and life happens and people get busy, we tend to ask less questions and we tend to jump to conclusions or make assumptions or we just stop asking, kinda stopped caring. So my goal for the next few weeks is to help you get more curious, become deeper studies on yourself and your partner. And so I’m going to be sharing over the course of the next few weeks or so. Some important questions for you to ask yourselves and your partner and really go to town, write these things out, spend some time thinking about them. Don’t just dismiss them. And, think, I know it will help you both, uh, get a better idea of who that person is because you know, the person you married or the person you started out with is may have changed. I know you probably have changed. I have since I first said I do to my sweetheart Michael. And so that’s normal. But understanding and staying in touch with each other takes work and it’s fun work. Want the full article? Just pop over to my blog: https://drlizjenkins.com/blog/ Hugs, Dr Liz

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